Words Matter: Confidence-Building Exercises That Start with What You Say

What if the words you speak are shaping more than just your conversations? Explore the science, intention, and belief behind the language we choose—and how this confidence building exercise might just shift everything.

Remember the saying "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"?

It turns out there's scientific proof that following this advice contributes to your well-being—and it can even be a powerful confidence building exercise.

In Words Can Change Your Brain by Mark Waldman and Dr. Andrew B. Newberg, what we say, has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress. Positive words, such as love, are proven to strengthen areas in the frontal lobes and promote cognitive functioning. However, hostile, negative words disrupt genes that play a part in the production of chemicals that protect us from stress.

Research has shown, the longer you can concentrate on positive words, the more functions in the parietal lobe start to change. This in turn changes your perception of yourself and the people with whom you interact. In other words, a positive view of yourself will bias you towards seeing good in others.

Knowing as humans we are hard-wired to worry and look to the negative (thanks to our primitive reptilian brain designed for self-preservation), I set off to do an experiment for a few weeks to see how I could change my words consistently and how that would make me feel.

In addition to daily meditation practice, here's what I tried:

Identify the Trigger

We all have things that tend to "set us off", sending us towards irritation, frustration and even anger. These emotions tend to be the pre-cursor to verbalizing negative words and sentiments.

Identifying the trigger is often the first step to changing an unwanted behavior.

For me, one of my main triggers is when I feel my husband doesn't listen to me. I chose to focus on this as my target trigger for the experiment.

Replacement Behavior

With conscious knowledge of the target trigger, it's important to identify an alternative behavior to replace the unwanted behavior. I gave myself a replacement response—a verbal cue that would support a different outcome. I decided on a positive "catch phrase" to say out loud:

"What I appreciate about...."

Whenever I noticed the trigger arise, I’d say this out loud and finish the sentence with something genuinely positive. It might sound small, but it shifted my energy in the moment and rewired the habit of how I responded.

Facial Expressions (Smile)

Another fact validated by science: The physical act of smiling makes you feel better. The contraction of the muscles used to smile, fires a signal back to the brain, stimulating the reward system, increasing the level of happy hormones.

I made a concerted effort to smile more. When I was alone, in passing people in the grocery store, and when I was riding my mountain bike. EVERYWHERE.

The Results

The results were remarkable. After about a week, I noticed a difference. I authentically felt a deeper appreciation for my husband that I hadn't felt in a while.

And after 2–3 weeks, something even more interesting happened: That same lightness I felt in my relationship began spilling into other areas of my life. I noticed I was less affected by traffic, long lines, or unexpected hiccups. I didn’t need to identify a new trigger to feel better—because the rewiring was already in motion.

It’s been several months now, and I still use my positive catch phrase consistently. And every time I do, I’m reminded of how simple, science-backed tools like this can act as practical, heart-centered confidence building exercises.

💬 I'd love to hear how this lands for you.

Have you ever tried a confidence building exercise like this? What shifts did you notice in your mood, relationships, or daily life?

Feel free to share your reflections or experiences in the comments—I always love hearing from you. 💗